My Story
My first child came into my life easily with a natural conception at age 41 on our second month of trying, using nothing more than a calendar to estimate my fertile window. When I was 44 years old, we began trying to conceive our second child. Over the next 18 months I had a chemical pregnancy and two miscarriages I then took a three month break to focus on improving egg quality. Despite low AMH, high FSH, and advanced age, I was able to get pregnant naturally with a healthy baby girl. Lily Ania was born in February 2016, four months short of my 47th birthday. I've developed this website to share what I learned along the way in hopes that it may help someone else dealing with similar challenges.
I have a PhD in clinical psychology, and as a therapist in private practice for the past 12 years I've developed a speciality in the mind-body connection, integrating Eastern and Western approaches to wellness. I've drawn on all my skills and intuition to find my path through this fertility quagmire. I have not done any kind of research to test my methods in a controlled way. I can only share with you what I did, why I did it, and what the results were for me. The field of fertility is still quite mysterious, and in the absence of solid research sometimes the best we can do is share our stories and make educated guesses from the patterns we see and the intuition we feel.
I have a PhD in clinical psychology, and as a therapist in private practice for the past 12 years I've developed a speciality in the mind-body connection, integrating Eastern and Western approaches to wellness. I've drawn on all my skills and intuition to find my path through this fertility quagmire. I have not done any kind of research to test my methods in a controlled way. I can only share with you what I did, why I did it, and what the results were for me. The field of fertility is still quite mysterious, and in the absence of solid research sometimes the best we can do is share our stories and make educated guesses from the patterns we see and the intuition we feel.
Timeline Overview
August 2011 - Age 42, first child born after easy natural conception
October 2013 - Age 44, started TTC#2; short cycles (22-24 days)
November 2013 - Apparent chemical pregnancy (brief faint BFP, AF 5 days late)
December 2013 - started weekly acupuncture (tapered off after 5-6 months)
January 2014 - CD3 labs: LH=3.9, FSH=7.3, E2 = 44.3 (pretty good numbers). started Vitex (quit July 2014)
April 2014 - CD3 labs: LH=7.7, FSH 33.6, E2 24.8, AMH=0.19 (high FSH, low AMH)
May 2014 - CD3 labs: LH 4.3, FSH 9, E2 60.9, AMH 0.07 (super low AMH!)
June 2014 - night weaned daughter from breastfeeding and started sleeping through the night finally
July 2014 - LH 5, FSH 11.7, E2 40, Prolactin 7.6
August 2014 - BFP!!
September 2014 - miscarriage at 9 weeks; confirmed loss due to chromosomal abnormality (Trisomy 9).
October 2014 - began writing and practicing TTC affirmations and imagery intensively; Short follicular phase (10 days)
December 2014 - BFP!!
January 2015 - Heartbeat stopped around 9 weeks.
February 2015 - Cytotec-induced miscarriage at 12 weeks; confirmed loss due to chromosomal abnormality.
Feb thru May 2015 - 3-month focus on improving egg quality, TTC break.
April 2015 - CD3 labs: LH 4.5, FSH 12.6, E2 43, AMH 0.099; short follicular phase persists (10-11 days)
May 2015 - First TTC cycle after egg quality break, BFP! Celebrated my 46th birthday
July 2015 - Baby confirmed genetically normal through MaterniT21 test.
January 27, 2016 - Estimated Due Date - no signs of labor but all tests show baby is thriving, placenta is healthy.
February 7, 2016 - Baby girl arrived @ 41 weeks 4 days. Natural birth in hospital, no interventions needed. 7 lbs. Perfectly healthy!
October 2013 - Age 44, started TTC#2; short cycles (22-24 days)
November 2013 - Apparent chemical pregnancy (brief faint BFP, AF 5 days late)
December 2013 - started weekly acupuncture (tapered off after 5-6 months)
January 2014 - CD3 labs: LH=3.9, FSH=7.3, E2 = 44.3 (pretty good numbers). started Vitex (quit July 2014)
April 2014 - CD3 labs: LH=7.7, FSH 33.6, E2 24.8, AMH=0.19 (high FSH, low AMH)
May 2014 - CD3 labs: LH 4.3, FSH 9, E2 60.9, AMH 0.07 (super low AMH!)
June 2014 - night weaned daughter from breastfeeding and started sleeping through the night finally
July 2014 - LH 5, FSH 11.7, E2 40, Prolactin 7.6
August 2014 - BFP!!
September 2014 - miscarriage at 9 weeks; confirmed loss due to chromosomal abnormality (Trisomy 9).
October 2014 - began writing and practicing TTC affirmations and imagery intensively; Short follicular phase (10 days)
December 2014 - BFP!!
January 2015 - Heartbeat stopped around 9 weeks.
February 2015 - Cytotec-induced miscarriage at 12 weeks; confirmed loss due to chromosomal abnormality.
Feb thru May 2015 - 3-month focus on improving egg quality, TTC break.
April 2015 - CD3 labs: LH 4.5, FSH 12.6, E2 43, AMH 0.099; short follicular phase persists (10-11 days)
May 2015 - First TTC cycle after egg quality break, BFP! Celebrated my 46th birthday
July 2015 - Baby confirmed genetically normal through MaterniT21 test.
January 27, 2016 - Estimated Due Date - no signs of labor but all tests show baby is thriving, placenta is healthy.
February 7, 2016 - Baby girl arrived @ 41 weeks 4 days. Natural birth in hospital, no interventions needed. 7 lbs. Perfectly healthy!
Archive of Updates
November 2014
I launched this website to start sharing what I was creating to help myself in my TTC mission.
I am a 45-year-old mother of a 3-year-old holding out hope that I can bring a sibling into my daughter's life. I have been trying to conceive naturally since October 2013. I lost a pregnancy at 9 weeks in September 2014 due to chromosomal abnormalities. I started writing these affirmations at the end of October, 2014 when my first post-miscarriage cycle began. I felt I needed bold, positive thoughts and images to help me get my mind in the right place. I'm giving myself until the end of this year to keep trying before I move on.
As a psychologist specializing in the mind-body connection, I am mobilizing all of my resources toward optimizing my chances to have another child. I am sharing here the techniques I am using myself in hopes that it may help someone else along this challenging path.
Update 12/22/14
I got my positive pregnancy test on 12/9/14, 9 days post-ovulation. I am waiting impatiently through this first trimester and will be writing affirmations to help stay calm through this phase (which I'm finding to be much more challenging after a loss). I am cautiously hopeful. This baby is due to arrive on my daughter's 4th birthday.
Update 1/7/15
First ultrasound @ 7 weeks, 2 days - Heartbeat found! Looking more promising every week! Next ultrasound 1/19.
Update 1/19/15
Second ultrasound @ 9 weeks, 1 day - No heartbeat. So sad. A few days ago, still feeling very pregnant but also antsy, I found the affirmation that gave me peace, "I love you, even if I might lose you before I ever get to hold you in my arms." Today I weep, and I hold my precious baby in my heart.
Update 2/17/15
After a long, drawn out miscarriage, I am setting my sights once again on the future. I am assuming that the recent loss was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so my focus for the next few months will be on improving egg quality. I hope to write new affirmations to support this next phase. I'm envisioning a healthy pregnancy by the end of May when I will be turning 46.
Update 5/18/15
I spent the last 3 months focusing on nurturing healthy eggs (or doing whatever I thought might make a difference as there's not really a lot that's certain about this whole process). This most recent cycle we opened the doors to TTC once again, and 3 days ago (9 days post-ovulation) I got my positive pregnancy test. I am blessed to be pregnant once again! ...just before my 46th birthday. I should know by the end of June whether we caught a good egg, as testing for chromosomal abnormalities can be done as early as 9 weeks.
Update 7/3/15
I am 10 weeks pregnant! Baby is growing well and heartbeat sounds strong. I'm waiting eagerly for results from the MaterniT21 test to find out if my egg quality efforts have paid off. I'm feeling hopeful but nervous. Results should be in within a week.
Update 7/10/15
Chromosomal test results show baby is genetically normal! Is it a miracle or something I did to improve egg quality? I will never know, but after I get over my shock that this pregnancy is really happening, I will share more about my efforts to nurture my eggs, for the benefit of anyone else who may be on this path. Baby girl is due 1/27/16.
Update 8/26/15
Anatomy scan shows baby girl looks just fine. I'm 18 weeks along and I'm feeling what it's like to finally exhale even though I wasn't aware I was holding my breath. Pregnancy after loss feels very different. I'm starting to take time now to work through the emotional upheaval of the past year and a half so that I can connect more fully with my baby who is finally on her way.
Update 12/8/15
I'm 33 weeks pregnant! It's taken me quite a while to fully grasp that this is actually happening. We don't even have a name for the baby or anything special set up in our home for her yet. But I do finally feel at ease and connected with this little person who is growing inside me. I'm also feeling more energetic now and a working on organizing all my thoughts around building a program for others to follow for enhancing fertility. I'm hoping I can help guide others through the complex maze this path can be.
Update 3/5/16
Baby girl arrived healthy and strong on 2/7/16! Given an estimated due date of 1/27, I was encouraged to induce labor after nothing was happening by 40 weeks....or by 41 weeks. I waited it out (a little nervously), while getting lots of testing to make sure everything was fine. A day before induction was scheduled, labor finally got going on its own, and my beautiful healthy baby girl arrived 2/7/16 at 41 weeks, 4 days. 7 lbs, 20 inches. I delivered at a hospital and no interventions were needed. After a previous birth experience which involved pitocin and continuous monitoring, it was liberating to have a chance to go through this without all the medical contraptions. I am so grateful for my good fortunate in being able to bring this baby into our family.
